Lee chapter 50 (Epilogue)
Nov. 23rd, 2008 06:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
maculategiraffeThis is the epilogue. It takes place a little more than one year after the events of chapter 49. Yes, it skips a lot of things, and leaves others unresolved; however, I feel the story of “Lee,” in se, is complete with this conclusion.
Many thanks to all those who have stuck with me through this trilogy, and sparkling Arabian Nights-style mountains of thanks to everyone who has ever commented, or friended me, or otherwise made their presence as a reader known. Without the support of readers, I would never have made it this far. You all have turned the once-solitary pleasure of writing into a many-splendored and joyous thing, and while the story and the characters are mine, they owe a great deal to all of you who have loved them along with me.
So now that “Lee” is actually, and at long last, concluded, what’s next for the Slave Breakers universe?
Well, a lot of fill-in-the-blanks one-shots, for one thing. I plan, tentatively, to write most things I mentioned in the survey, and several of the write-in requests. I also need to finish two mini-series that I started a while back-- the one about Jer’s early relationship with Holden and Alix, and the backstory on Greta’s relationship with Holden (as set against the training of a particularly challenging young delinquent named Crimson).
I also have some housekeeping matters to attend-- for example, I badly need to update the index page, friend people back who‘ve friended me, and catch up on replying to comments-- and a metric fuckton of other people’s stories, which I’ve been horribly neglecting in my anxiety over my own baby coming to an end, to catch up on.
After that… well, we’ll see. Stick with me. It ain’t over yet.
The silky waves of Andrei's dark red hair slid pleasantly under Lee's fingers as he gathered them into a ponytail, which he secured with a black satin ribbon, and then lifted up to press a kiss to the warm nape of Andrei's neck. When he straightened up, Andrei was smiling at him in the mirror.
"What was that for?" he asked.
Lee smiled back. "I like your neck."
"It likes you, too," Andrei answered, and Lee giggled. "How do I look?"
"Beautiful," said Lee sincerely, and added, "What about me? How do I look?"
"The same way you always look," said Andrei. "Absolutely breathtaking. You're wearing makeup, aren't you?"
"Just a little," said Lee, blushing. "You don't mind, do you?"
"No, it looks nice," said Andrei. "Does he like it? I've never seen him wear it."
"He told me he used to wear it, when he was my age," said Lee, and stepped forward to put his hands on Andrei's shoulders and kiss the top of his head. "When he was a slave."
Andrei nodded. "Did you? When you were a slave?"
"No," said Lee. "Lord Dunaev didn't require it, and neither did Mr. Larssen, and then-- well, you know."
Andrei tugged on Lee's arm, pulling him into his lap. Lee perched contentedly on his knees as Andrei said, "Yes, I know... You're excited about seeing him, aren't you?"
“Yes,” said Lee, and Andrei leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the lips.
"I like to see you happy, Lee," he said.
Lee bent his head to kiss Andrei back, a deeper, more lingering kiss, slipping his tongue softly between Andrei's soft lips. Andrei's hand stroked his back, running over the fine silky cloth that covered Lee’s scars, which still felt sensitive, even a little raw, after all this time. But Andrei’s hand was cool and soothing, his touch infinitely gentle; Lee loved that caress as much as he loved every other way Andrei touched him.
Well, maybe a little less than some ways.
“I know,” he answered, when he’d broken the kiss and pulled back, smiling into Andrei’s cool, sweet blue eyes. “Andrei.”
“Hey, skinnybones," said Jer, grabbing Lee and hugging him so hard his feet left the floor. "Andrei, haven't you been feeding him?"
"I try," said Andrei from behind Lee.
"Well, he knows who to call if you don't treat him right," said Jer, putting Lee back down and cupping a hand behind his neck for a long, lingering kiss that made Lee hang onto his arms for balance. He added, after he broke away, "Right, Lee?"
"Andrei treats me right," said Lee, once he'd caught his breath.
"He better," said Jer, moving towards Andrei, who stood still, smiling, "or I'll kick his ass up and down that fancy staircase of his."
He yanked Andrei into a two-armed hug, thumping his back a couple of times in a comradely way, while Lee tried not to giggle at the expression on Andrei's pink face, half alarm and half delight, as if he'd been accosted by an inexplicably affectionate grizzly bear.
"What are you grinning so big at?" Jer asked Lee, reaching out and pulling Lee close again with one arm. "And speaking of feeding people, when do we eat?"
"How long can you stay with us, Jer?" Andrei asked, over dinner.
"Oh, don't worry," said Jer. "I won't wear out my welcome. You know what they say-- fish and houseguests both stink after three days."
"Three days?" Lee echoed, dismayed, and Andrei said, "Jer, that's hardly enough time to say hello."
"Well, it's plenty of time to say hello," said Jer with a smirk. "But-- well, we'll see. I'm not on a tight schedule, these days."
"You have to at least stay and see Mona," said Andrei firmly.
"I've probably seen her more recently than you have," said Jer. "When's she coming home, anyway? Hasn't her summer break started yet? Yves has been home a couple of weeks already."
"Mona decided to stay for a while after her exams," said Andrei. "She said she's been so busy with studying that she hasn't had much time to focus on… extracurriculars."
"Is that what we're calling it now?" said Jer. “I thought Lee was her main extracurricular.”
Andrei smiled, shaking his head. “You know what I mean. She’s very involved with helping put the case together. And with the next appeal coming up, they’re working especially hard. When she does make it home, she'll probably crash and sleep for twenty-four hours."
"Yves did,” Jer agreed. “Of course, he was taking twice the normal course load this semester-- since apparently he was bored out of his mind last semester. Plus his, uh, extracurriculars.”
“Holden must be glad to have him home,” said Andrei.
"Yep," said Jer. "Going to be trouble in paradise this fall, though. Bran wants to go with Yves when school starts up again, for a visit, and to take a look at the university. And Holden's telling him yes, yes, of course he should go, he should have fun, he should see if it's something he might want to do-- but if the kid actually up and leaves home, Alix's shoulder is going to soak up some serious tears."
"You could move back home," Lee suggested quietly. "To keep him company."
"Well," said Jer. "Odds are Bran's going to come running home in under a week, anyway. The only books he cracks on a regular basis are cookbooks. And he's too happy with his job-- and his boss."
“How long did you stay with them?” Lee asked, hoping he didn't sound petulant.
“Week or so,” said Jer. “Sorry I didn’t call before-- you know how it is, I hadn’t seen them in awhile. Lot to catch up on.”
Lee asked, “Where were you before that?”
Jer grinned. "Oh-- well. Here and there." He turned to Andrei. "You ever see the ocean?"
"Once, when I was very small," said Andrei. "My parents took me-- we were visiting relatives in Arkhanos. I remember my cousin-- she was in her teens-- she put me up on her shoulders and took me out into the water. And I think I can remember how it smelled. A strange smell-- dirty. And fishy."
"You never went back?" Jer asked.
Andrei shook his head. "It didn't really-- I didn't like the waves."
"Well, I went, to see," said Jer. "But I never learned to swim, because why the fuck would I, right-- so I'm just sitting there looking-- and I don't know, I guess it's supposed to look so big, but it just looked kind of-- flat, to me. Shiny, and all, but kind of one-note. I'm thinking, fucking ripoff, I come all this way and it's just some-- scenery. But then there was this girl--"
He smiled, a soft inward reminiscent smile, and Lee experienced a horrible pang of jealousy, no less ferocious because he knew perfectly well how unreasonable it was.
"She just waltzed right up to me," Jer was saying. "She asked why I wasn't out in the water-- she said something, something like I didn't look like the type who just wanted to admire the view. Looking back on it I guess she was flirting, but I was just-- tired, and let down, and I told her to fuck off. But she didn't. Fucking crazy woman-- not pretty, but kind of interesting-looking. She kept bugging me, and I told her I didn't know how to swim, and she said she'd teach me."
"Oh, my," said Andrei, smiling. "And did she?"
"Well," said Jer. "I told her I didn't have one of those little things all the other guys were wearing over their junk-- so she went off somewhere. I figured she wasn't coming back, but she did, with some guy's swim suit, I don't know whose. Her husband's, or some guy's she jacked in the middle of the boardwalk, I didn't ask. It was still damp."
Andrei laughed. "You didn't wear it, did you?"
"Like that's the closest I've ever been to a stranger's cock," Jer answered, without self-consciousness, but Andrei went scarlet with embarrassment and started stammering apologies. "No, forget it, I just figured, who gives a shit? And I did want to get in the water. So I did. And she taught me. I turned out to be pretty good at it, actually."
Lee smiled, picturing Jer's body, wet and gleaming, his grizzled hair plastered against his head, grinning with the pride of his new accomplishment.
"I practiced a while," Jer went on, "and then she left. I guess she could tell I was way less interested in her than I was in the actual swimming. And then I just-- I thought, I wonder how far I can get, out there? I wonder if it feels-- really big-- when you're really out in it..."
"Did it?" Lee asked when Jer trailed off, and Jer turned to him and said, just to him, "Yeah. It did."
Lee held his gaze until Jer turned back to Andrei and added, "You've got to take the kid sometime, okay? He should get to see it."
"Would you like that, Lee?" Andrei asked, and Lee said, "Yes, I think I would."
"Listen to you," said Jer, smiling at Lee. "Didn't even stutter. And no 'not if it's any trouble' or 'only if it please my lord' in sight. You're good for him, Andrei."
"I try," Andrei said again, while Lee blushed and squirmed.
Lee took one last lingering look at himself in the mirror over his dressing table-- his eyes subtly outlined and his lids tinted with a touch of dark silver, his black hair artfully disheveled, the top two buttons of his dove-gray silk pajamas unbuttoned-- and went out his bedroom door, and down the hall to the guest room.
Jer was sitting at the desk, still fully dressed, and wearing his reading glasses; a bright lamp was trained on his hands as he drew something with one of the sharp, complicated-looking instruments out of the velvet-lined case that sat open on the desk. He looked up when the door closed behind Lee, and took off his glasses, and laid them down on the desk, still looking at Lee.
"Stop right there," he said, and Lee paused just inside the door, waiting. "Unbutton two more buttons."
Lee did.
"Push that top off your shoulder," said Jer.
Lee hesitated.
"Doesn't matter which," said Jer. "Pick your favorite."
Lee moved to let the pajama top slip, with a barely-audible rustle of silk, from his right shoulder.
"One more button," said Jer.
Lee undid it.
Jer looked at him for a minute, impassively, before a slow, sweet smile spread across his face.
"C'mere," he said, and Lee almost ran, his feet weightless with joy, across the room, and jumped into Jer's arms.
"I missed you," he said, slipping most of the way out of the pajama top before Jer had even finished unbuttoning it, kissing Jer's hands when they moved up his naked shoulders; Jer moved one hand to untie the drawstring at the waist of his pajamas. "I missed you so much--"
"I missed you too, kid," said Jer, and gasped as Lee's mouth fastened onto his neck, then kissed its way up to his ear, its fleshy lobe, and nibbled.
"No you didn't," he whispered into the warm, lovely ear, kicking vaguely at the pajama pants, which had gotten lodged somewhere just above his knees. "You said you don't miss people."
"Right, that's right, I don't," said Jer, his grip on Lee yielding as Lee wiggled out of his arms, his naked thighs and cock dragging along the soft cloth of Jer's tunic, and then the gorgeous furred warmth of his bare legs; he knelt between the heavy boots and pulled up Jer's tunic. Jer gave a kind of shuddering sigh as Lee hesitated, with a thrill of almost-fear in his stomach, and then bent his head low to press a row of timid, worshipping kisses along the thick, hard shaft between Jer's thighs, before opening his lips to its already leaking tip.
The head fitted sweetly in his mouth, and he suckled it softly with lips and tongue and the gentlest possible edges of his teeth for a bit, reached with the fingers of one hand to the tight, heavy sac of Jer's testicles, probing among the coarse hairs and tender, contracted skin, listening for changes in Jer's breathing, the salty musk of Jer's pleasure bathing Lee's tongue. When the weight of Jer's hand came down softly on Lee's head, Lee quivered; when it caressed his hair, he moaned very softly around the hardness in his mouth and let his own hand stroke Jer's thigh in gratitude.
"Stop," said Jer finally, and although Lee was reluctant, the note of command in Jer's voice didn't brook any disobedience; he knelt back on his heels, waiting. "Stand up."
Lee stood, and Jer looked up at him, stood up, scooped Lee up in his arms—the silk of his pajama bottoms still tangled around his calves—and carried him towards the bed.
"Not that I wouldn't be more than happy to come all over your face," he explained as he laid Lee carefully down on the bed and lifted his legs to pull the pajama bottoms off altogether, "and ruin that pretty makeup job, but I don't want to miss the main event, either. It's been too long since I got in here." He squeezed the soft round of Lee's bottom, and Lee squeaked and laughed. "Hasn't it?"
"Yes," Lee agreed, and caught his breath when Jer dragged a pillow down from the head of the bed to push it under Lee's hips, lifting them into position. "Jer, how—how long will you stay?"
"How long do you want me?" Jer asked, his hand wrapping around Lee's own hot, lifting erection, and Lee answered, confusedly, "Now--"
Jer smiled and straddled Lee, leaning down over him, his mouth hot and greedy on Lee's throat, his hands pinning Lee's arms down on the bed. Lee whined and strained a little against their iron grip, loving both the futility of the struggle and Jer's grunt of answering satisfaction, Jer's mouth kissing down his chest, lips and tongue closing around the tender bud of his nipple.
"Jer, please," he begged, and Jer bit down hard, making tears spring to Lee's eyes; Jer's mouth lapped and suckled at Lee's sore nipple. Lee moaned until the big hand came down over his mouth, and he kissed the palm in surrender, trembling.
"Good boy," Jer whispered, lifting his head from Lee's nipple, his hand still over Lee's mouth. "Shhhh."
Lee nodded, and Jer took his hand off Lee's mouth, replacing it with his own mouth. Lee opened his lips to Jer's kiss, his hips lifting against Jer's groin as Jer's tongue ran greedily along his teeth, as Jer's teeth nipped at his lower lip till it smarted, as Jer ground his hard cock against Lee's. Then pulled away to ask in a low, gravelly growl, "When's the last time you got fucked, baby?"
"Th-- this morning," Lee gasped.
"Good," said Jer. "Cause I'm going to fucking nail you, but if it had been a while, I'd have to stick in some fingers first, make sure you were ready. You ready?"
Lee nodded.
"That's my boy," said Jer, and Lee blushed scarlet, while Jer unbuckled his belt, pulled it off and tossed it to the floor with a clatter, then pulled his tunic over his head and tossed that aside, too, with a softer thump of cloth on wood. He leaned over, across Lee, so close that the fur of his chest brushed Lee's cheek, to retrieve the bottle of lubricant Andrei always placed in the guest room for his use, and then his body was too far away again as he sat back to slather his cock liberally with the herbal-smelling oil. Lee spread his legs and lifted them up without being told, and Jer's thick cock was nudging its blunt head inside him, opening him up, and Lee had a flash of terror, of knowing he was too weak and flimsy for this, that when the man over him stopped being gentle (any moment now, any moment), Lee would tear like tissue, would bleed and cry and be beaten and cursed for crying.
But in the nightmare image where he lay on the floor begging for mercy, there was a body that covered his, that flung itself down over him and shielded him, and the vision shifted back to the warm, heavy reality of the body that lay over his at this moment.
"Jer," Lee choked, and his tears spilled over. Jer, touching his wet cheek, murmured, "You okay, baby?" and Lee rested his heels on Jer's back and whispered, "More, please—all—inside me--"
"Fuck," Jer gasped, and obliged, burying the last inch of his cock inside Lee, grinding his hips hard against Lee's ass; it burned, the heat and thickness of it inside Lee, stretching him wider than he thought he could take, and still he wanted more. Jer pulled back a little, and pushed back in, stroking against the pleasure-spot in Lee, whispering, "So tight—so fucking sweet— my baby boy--"
He pulled back and pushed in again a few times, his long deliberate strokes burning inside Lee like a brand, and then he picked up speed, his eyes dropping closed from moment to moment as Lee looked up at Jer's beautiful, fierce, loving face through the wavering flow of his tears.
Lee came first, the pressure building as Jer stroked the sweet spot inside him again and again, and Jer stopped, smiling, his belly coated with Lee's pearly semen, while Lee shuddered wildly, impaled on Jer's cock, which seemed bigger than ever. When he'd settled down a little, Jer started up again, and it hurt, the kind of hurt Lee never wanted to stop, although it did, too soon; Jer yelled out in mingled triumph and frustration, pulled out quickly-- Lee felt a gush of oil and semen spill out of him--slid the pillow gently from under Lee's hips, and lay down beside Lee, his strong arms reaching out to pull Lee close against his damp, furry chest. Lee clung to him, a little sore, and dizzy with happiness.
"I meant to last longer," said Jer hoarsely, and cleared his throat. "Oh, well." He kissed Lee's temple, holding him, both of them clammy with sweat and sticky with each other's semen. "That's what I get-- I shouldn't have stayed away so long."
"I missed you so much," Lee whispered again, and Jer kissed his cheek and answered, "I won't stay gone so long, next time. Promise, okay?"
"Don't be gone." Lee cleared his throat, tried to sound stronger. "Don't go. Stay."
"For how long?" Jer asked again, and Lee said, "Forever."
Jer laughed. Lee didn't.
"You could," he pleaded. "Andrei likes you-- and he knows how I feel about you. And this house is so big. You could get a job, you could see Mr. Larssen and Bran and Yves all the time-- they visit-- and so do we--"
"Shhh," said Jer, stroking Lee's hair.
"Jer," said Lee, "I love you."
Jer smoothed his hair back again, and looked at him as if he'd never hoped to see anything half as beautiful, and didn't answer.
"You don't believe me," said Lee.
"You're nineteen," Jer answered. "I don't take anybody's 'I love you' seriously until they're out of their teens."
Lee considered that.
"You could just stay until I'm twenty," he offered. "To see."
Jer gave a painful-sounding bark of laughter, and then kept laughing and couldn't stop. Lee held onto him, feeling him shake.
When he stopped, he was quiet for awhile, and then he said, "I can't, Lee."
"Pleeeeeeeaaaaaaase," Lee whined, barely managing to exaggerate his yearning, and Jer hugged him and roughly kissed his head.
"I can't," he said again. "I just-- Lee, I was sold into slavery when I was fifteen, and freed when I was forty-six. That's thirty-one years-- that's longer than your Andrei's been alive--"
"Andrei is thirty-three," said Lee.
Jer paused. "Really?"
Lee nodded.
"Huh," said Jer. "I guess clean living pays off. Anyway-- Lee, try to understand. For so long, I just-- sat still. Belonging to other people. Trying not to even-- think, or imagine, or wonder, or want-- anything else. Anything-- outside."
"But you want me," said Lee. "I'm here."
"Yeah," said Jer, and kissed Lee's forehead. "I want you. And I love you, Lee-- and I am old enough to know what that means. But I know what it doesn't mean, too. It doesn't mean-- it's not enough. I can't-- stay. Not anywhere. Not yet."
Lee put his head down on Jer's shoulder, and said, "Then let me come with you."
"No," said Jer softly. "You'd shrivel up and die, baby. You spent enough time feeling lost. You know where you are before you even open your eyes, now, every morning, and that you're safe. I couldn't take you away from that. Besides, you couldn't leave Andrei behind. Could you?"
"No," Lee admitted miserably. "Jer, please-- how long will you stay, this time?"
Jer hugged him close, and didn't answer for a while, and then he said, "Lee, I don't know. As long as I can, okay? I'll stay until-- until I have to leave. Okay? Can you work with that?"
Lee lay still, pressed up against Jer, in bliss marred only by the awareness of how soon it would end. Jer would leave again, and Lee wouldn’t know where he was, or when he was coming back, or if he was coming back. Though he did know that if he could, Jer would always come back to Lee, even if only for brief, snatched visits, between his long stretches of absence. Jer had to leave-- but Jer loved Lee, now and always.
And maybe Jer was right-- not about Lee being a naïve teenager who didn‘t know his own mind when it came to love, but about Lee needing security and stability, the gentle, silken hush and sweetness of Andrei‘s house, Andrei‘s love for Lee, and Lee‘s love for Andrei. And that a life of homelessness and endless change with Jer would hurt him, in the end, more than the quiet ache of Jer’s absence that underlay his happiness with Andrei.
And maybe Jer would see enough, in his wanderings, and be tired, in time for him to come home to Lee for good.
Maybe. Maybe not.
But now--
"Lee?"
"Yes," said Lee, and took a deep breath, tasting Jer's scent at the back of his throat. "Yes, I can work with that."
Many thanks to all those who have stuck with me through this trilogy, and sparkling Arabian Nights-style mountains of thanks to everyone who has ever commented, or friended me, or otherwise made their presence as a reader known. Without the support of readers, I would never have made it this far. You all have turned the once-solitary pleasure of writing into a many-splendored and joyous thing, and while the story and the characters are mine, they owe a great deal to all of you who have loved them along with me.
So now that “Lee” is actually, and at long last, concluded, what’s next for the Slave Breakers universe?
Well, a lot of fill-in-the-blanks one-shots, for one thing. I plan, tentatively, to write most things I mentioned in the survey, and several of the write-in requests. I also need to finish two mini-series that I started a while back-- the one about Jer’s early relationship with Holden and Alix, and the backstory on Greta’s relationship with Holden (as set against the training of a particularly challenging young delinquent named Crimson).
I also have some housekeeping matters to attend-- for example, I badly need to update the index page, friend people back who‘ve friended me, and catch up on replying to comments-- and a metric fuckton of other people’s stories, which I’ve been horribly neglecting in my anxiety over my own baby coming to an end, to catch up on.
After that… well, we’ll see. Stick with me. It ain’t over yet.
The silky waves of Andrei's dark red hair slid pleasantly under Lee's fingers as he gathered them into a ponytail, which he secured with a black satin ribbon, and then lifted up to press a kiss to the warm nape of Andrei's neck. When he straightened up, Andrei was smiling at him in the mirror.
"What was that for?" he asked.
Lee smiled back. "I like your neck."
"It likes you, too," Andrei answered, and Lee giggled. "How do I look?"
"Beautiful," said Lee sincerely, and added, "What about me? How do I look?"
"The same way you always look," said Andrei. "Absolutely breathtaking. You're wearing makeup, aren't you?"
"Just a little," said Lee, blushing. "You don't mind, do you?"
"No, it looks nice," said Andrei. "Does he like it? I've never seen him wear it."
"He told me he used to wear it, when he was my age," said Lee, and stepped forward to put his hands on Andrei's shoulders and kiss the top of his head. "When he was a slave."
Andrei nodded. "Did you? When you were a slave?"
"No," said Lee. "Lord Dunaev didn't require it, and neither did Mr. Larssen, and then-- well, you know."
Andrei tugged on Lee's arm, pulling him into his lap. Lee perched contentedly on his knees as Andrei said, "Yes, I know... You're excited about seeing him, aren't you?"
“Yes,” said Lee, and Andrei leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the lips.
"I like to see you happy, Lee," he said.
Lee bent his head to kiss Andrei back, a deeper, more lingering kiss, slipping his tongue softly between Andrei's soft lips. Andrei's hand stroked his back, running over the fine silky cloth that covered Lee’s scars, which still felt sensitive, even a little raw, after all this time. But Andrei’s hand was cool and soothing, his touch infinitely gentle; Lee loved that caress as much as he loved every other way Andrei touched him.
Well, maybe a little less than some ways.
“I know,” he answered, when he’d broken the kiss and pulled back, smiling into Andrei’s cool, sweet blue eyes. “Andrei.”
“Hey, skinnybones," said Jer, grabbing Lee and hugging him so hard his feet left the floor. "Andrei, haven't you been feeding him?"
"I try," said Andrei from behind Lee.
"Well, he knows who to call if you don't treat him right," said Jer, putting Lee back down and cupping a hand behind his neck for a long, lingering kiss that made Lee hang onto his arms for balance. He added, after he broke away, "Right, Lee?"
"Andrei treats me right," said Lee, once he'd caught his breath.
"He better," said Jer, moving towards Andrei, who stood still, smiling, "or I'll kick his ass up and down that fancy staircase of his."
He yanked Andrei into a two-armed hug, thumping his back a couple of times in a comradely way, while Lee tried not to giggle at the expression on Andrei's pink face, half alarm and half delight, as if he'd been accosted by an inexplicably affectionate grizzly bear.
"What are you grinning so big at?" Jer asked Lee, reaching out and pulling Lee close again with one arm. "And speaking of feeding people, when do we eat?"
"How long can you stay with us, Jer?" Andrei asked, over dinner.
"Oh, don't worry," said Jer. "I won't wear out my welcome. You know what they say-- fish and houseguests both stink after three days."
"Three days?" Lee echoed, dismayed, and Andrei said, "Jer, that's hardly enough time to say hello."
"Well, it's plenty of time to say hello," said Jer with a smirk. "But-- well, we'll see. I'm not on a tight schedule, these days."
"You have to at least stay and see Mona," said Andrei firmly.
"I've probably seen her more recently than you have," said Jer. "When's she coming home, anyway? Hasn't her summer break started yet? Yves has been home a couple of weeks already."
"Mona decided to stay for a while after her exams," said Andrei. "She said she's been so busy with studying that she hasn't had much time to focus on… extracurriculars."
"Is that what we're calling it now?" said Jer. “I thought Lee was her main extracurricular.”
Andrei smiled, shaking his head. “You know what I mean. She’s very involved with helping put the case together. And with the next appeal coming up, they’re working especially hard. When she does make it home, she'll probably crash and sleep for twenty-four hours."
"Yves did,” Jer agreed. “Of course, he was taking twice the normal course load this semester-- since apparently he was bored out of his mind last semester. Plus his, uh, extracurriculars.”
“Holden must be glad to have him home,” said Andrei.
"Yep," said Jer. "Going to be trouble in paradise this fall, though. Bran wants to go with Yves when school starts up again, for a visit, and to take a look at the university. And Holden's telling him yes, yes, of course he should go, he should have fun, he should see if it's something he might want to do-- but if the kid actually up and leaves home, Alix's shoulder is going to soak up some serious tears."
"You could move back home," Lee suggested quietly. "To keep him company."
"Well," said Jer. "Odds are Bran's going to come running home in under a week, anyway. The only books he cracks on a regular basis are cookbooks. And he's too happy with his job-- and his boss."
“How long did you stay with them?” Lee asked, hoping he didn't sound petulant.
“Week or so,” said Jer. “Sorry I didn’t call before-- you know how it is, I hadn’t seen them in awhile. Lot to catch up on.”
Lee asked, “Where were you before that?”
Jer grinned. "Oh-- well. Here and there." He turned to Andrei. "You ever see the ocean?"
"Once, when I was very small," said Andrei. "My parents took me-- we were visiting relatives in Arkhanos. I remember my cousin-- she was in her teens-- she put me up on her shoulders and took me out into the water. And I think I can remember how it smelled. A strange smell-- dirty. And fishy."
"You never went back?" Jer asked.
Andrei shook his head. "It didn't really-- I didn't like the waves."
"Well, I went, to see," said Jer. "But I never learned to swim, because why the fuck would I, right-- so I'm just sitting there looking-- and I don't know, I guess it's supposed to look so big, but it just looked kind of-- flat, to me. Shiny, and all, but kind of one-note. I'm thinking, fucking ripoff, I come all this way and it's just some-- scenery. But then there was this girl--"
He smiled, a soft inward reminiscent smile, and Lee experienced a horrible pang of jealousy, no less ferocious because he knew perfectly well how unreasonable it was.
"She just waltzed right up to me," Jer was saying. "She asked why I wasn't out in the water-- she said something, something like I didn't look like the type who just wanted to admire the view. Looking back on it I guess she was flirting, but I was just-- tired, and let down, and I told her to fuck off. But she didn't. Fucking crazy woman-- not pretty, but kind of interesting-looking. She kept bugging me, and I told her I didn't know how to swim, and she said she'd teach me."
"Oh, my," said Andrei, smiling. "And did she?"
"Well," said Jer. "I told her I didn't have one of those little things all the other guys were wearing over their junk-- so she went off somewhere. I figured she wasn't coming back, but she did, with some guy's swim suit, I don't know whose. Her husband's, or some guy's she jacked in the middle of the boardwalk, I didn't ask. It was still damp."
Andrei laughed. "You didn't wear it, did you?"
"Like that's the closest I've ever been to a stranger's cock," Jer answered, without self-consciousness, but Andrei went scarlet with embarrassment and started stammering apologies. "No, forget it, I just figured, who gives a shit? And I did want to get in the water. So I did. And she taught me. I turned out to be pretty good at it, actually."
Lee smiled, picturing Jer's body, wet and gleaming, his grizzled hair plastered against his head, grinning with the pride of his new accomplishment.
"I practiced a while," Jer went on, "and then she left. I guess she could tell I was way less interested in her than I was in the actual swimming. And then I just-- I thought, I wonder how far I can get, out there? I wonder if it feels-- really big-- when you're really out in it..."
"Did it?" Lee asked when Jer trailed off, and Jer turned to him and said, just to him, "Yeah. It did."
Lee held his gaze until Jer turned back to Andrei and added, "You've got to take the kid sometime, okay? He should get to see it."
"Would you like that, Lee?" Andrei asked, and Lee said, "Yes, I think I would."
"Listen to you," said Jer, smiling at Lee. "Didn't even stutter. And no 'not if it's any trouble' or 'only if it please my lord' in sight. You're good for him, Andrei."
"I try," Andrei said again, while Lee blushed and squirmed.
Lee took one last lingering look at himself in the mirror over his dressing table-- his eyes subtly outlined and his lids tinted with a touch of dark silver, his black hair artfully disheveled, the top two buttons of his dove-gray silk pajamas unbuttoned-- and went out his bedroom door, and down the hall to the guest room.
Jer was sitting at the desk, still fully dressed, and wearing his reading glasses; a bright lamp was trained on his hands as he drew something with one of the sharp, complicated-looking instruments out of the velvet-lined case that sat open on the desk. He looked up when the door closed behind Lee, and took off his glasses, and laid them down on the desk, still looking at Lee.
"Stop right there," he said, and Lee paused just inside the door, waiting. "Unbutton two more buttons."
Lee did.
"Push that top off your shoulder," said Jer.
Lee hesitated.
"Doesn't matter which," said Jer. "Pick your favorite."
Lee moved to let the pajama top slip, with a barely-audible rustle of silk, from his right shoulder.
"One more button," said Jer.
Lee undid it.
Jer looked at him for a minute, impassively, before a slow, sweet smile spread across his face.
"C'mere," he said, and Lee almost ran, his feet weightless with joy, across the room, and jumped into Jer's arms.
"I missed you," he said, slipping most of the way out of the pajama top before Jer had even finished unbuttoning it, kissing Jer's hands when they moved up his naked shoulders; Jer moved one hand to untie the drawstring at the waist of his pajamas. "I missed you so much--"
"I missed you too, kid," said Jer, and gasped as Lee's mouth fastened onto his neck, then kissed its way up to his ear, its fleshy lobe, and nibbled.
"No you didn't," he whispered into the warm, lovely ear, kicking vaguely at the pajama pants, which had gotten lodged somewhere just above his knees. "You said you don't miss people."
"Right, that's right, I don't," said Jer, his grip on Lee yielding as Lee wiggled out of his arms, his naked thighs and cock dragging along the soft cloth of Jer's tunic, and then the gorgeous furred warmth of his bare legs; he knelt between the heavy boots and pulled up Jer's tunic. Jer gave a kind of shuddering sigh as Lee hesitated, with a thrill of almost-fear in his stomach, and then bent his head low to press a row of timid, worshipping kisses along the thick, hard shaft between Jer's thighs, before opening his lips to its already leaking tip.
The head fitted sweetly in his mouth, and he suckled it softly with lips and tongue and the gentlest possible edges of his teeth for a bit, reached with the fingers of one hand to the tight, heavy sac of Jer's testicles, probing among the coarse hairs and tender, contracted skin, listening for changes in Jer's breathing, the salty musk of Jer's pleasure bathing Lee's tongue. When the weight of Jer's hand came down softly on Lee's head, Lee quivered; when it caressed his hair, he moaned very softly around the hardness in his mouth and let his own hand stroke Jer's thigh in gratitude.
"Stop," said Jer finally, and although Lee was reluctant, the note of command in Jer's voice didn't brook any disobedience; he knelt back on his heels, waiting. "Stand up."
Lee stood, and Jer looked up at him, stood up, scooped Lee up in his arms—the silk of his pajama bottoms still tangled around his calves—and carried him towards the bed.
"Not that I wouldn't be more than happy to come all over your face," he explained as he laid Lee carefully down on the bed and lifted his legs to pull the pajama bottoms off altogether, "and ruin that pretty makeup job, but I don't want to miss the main event, either. It's been too long since I got in here." He squeezed the soft round of Lee's bottom, and Lee squeaked and laughed. "Hasn't it?"
"Yes," Lee agreed, and caught his breath when Jer dragged a pillow down from the head of the bed to push it under Lee's hips, lifting them into position. "Jer, how—how long will you stay?"
"How long do you want me?" Jer asked, his hand wrapping around Lee's own hot, lifting erection, and Lee answered, confusedly, "Now--"
Jer smiled and straddled Lee, leaning down over him, his mouth hot and greedy on Lee's throat, his hands pinning Lee's arms down on the bed. Lee whined and strained a little against their iron grip, loving both the futility of the struggle and Jer's grunt of answering satisfaction, Jer's mouth kissing down his chest, lips and tongue closing around the tender bud of his nipple.
"Jer, please," he begged, and Jer bit down hard, making tears spring to Lee's eyes; Jer's mouth lapped and suckled at Lee's sore nipple. Lee moaned until the big hand came down over his mouth, and he kissed the palm in surrender, trembling.
"Good boy," Jer whispered, lifting his head from Lee's nipple, his hand still over Lee's mouth. "Shhhh."
Lee nodded, and Jer took his hand off Lee's mouth, replacing it with his own mouth. Lee opened his lips to Jer's kiss, his hips lifting against Jer's groin as Jer's tongue ran greedily along his teeth, as Jer's teeth nipped at his lower lip till it smarted, as Jer ground his hard cock against Lee's. Then pulled away to ask in a low, gravelly growl, "When's the last time you got fucked, baby?"
"Th-- this morning," Lee gasped.
"Good," said Jer. "Cause I'm going to fucking nail you, but if it had been a while, I'd have to stick in some fingers first, make sure you were ready. You ready?"
Lee nodded.
"That's my boy," said Jer, and Lee blushed scarlet, while Jer unbuckled his belt, pulled it off and tossed it to the floor with a clatter, then pulled his tunic over his head and tossed that aside, too, with a softer thump of cloth on wood. He leaned over, across Lee, so close that the fur of his chest brushed Lee's cheek, to retrieve the bottle of lubricant Andrei always placed in the guest room for his use, and then his body was too far away again as he sat back to slather his cock liberally with the herbal-smelling oil. Lee spread his legs and lifted them up without being told, and Jer's thick cock was nudging its blunt head inside him, opening him up, and Lee had a flash of terror, of knowing he was too weak and flimsy for this, that when the man over him stopped being gentle (any moment now, any moment), Lee would tear like tissue, would bleed and cry and be beaten and cursed for crying.
But in the nightmare image where he lay on the floor begging for mercy, there was a body that covered his, that flung itself down over him and shielded him, and the vision shifted back to the warm, heavy reality of the body that lay over his at this moment.
"Jer," Lee choked, and his tears spilled over. Jer, touching his wet cheek, murmured, "You okay, baby?" and Lee rested his heels on Jer's back and whispered, "More, please—all—inside me--"
"Fuck," Jer gasped, and obliged, burying the last inch of his cock inside Lee, grinding his hips hard against Lee's ass; it burned, the heat and thickness of it inside Lee, stretching him wider than he thought he could take, and still he wanted more. Jer pulled back a little, and pushed back in, stroking against the pleasure-spot in Lee, whispering, "So tight—so fucking sweet— my baby boy--"
He pulled back and pushed in again a few times, his long deliberate strokes burning inside Lee like a brand, and then he picked up speed, his eyes dropping closed from moment to moment as Lee looked up at Jer's beautiful, fierce, loving face through the wavering flow of his tears.
Lee came first, the pressure building as Jer stroked the sweet spot inside him again and again, and Jer stopped, smiling, his belly coated with Lee's pearly semen, while Lee shuddered wildly, impaled on Jer's cock, which seemed bigger than ever. When he'd settled down a little, Jer started up again, and it hurt, the kind of hurt Lee never wanted to stop, although it did, too soon; Jer yelled out in mingled triumph and frustration, pulled out quickly-- Lee felt a gush of oil and semen spill out of him--slid the pillow gently from under Lee's hips, and lay down beside Lee, his strong arms reaching out to pull Lee close against his damp, furry chest. Lee clung to him, a little sore, and dizzy with happiness.
"I meant to last longer," said Jer hoarsely, and cleared his throat. "Oh, well." He kissed Lee's temple, holding him, both of them clammy with sweat and sticky with each other's semen. "That's what I get-- I shouldn't have stayed away so long."
"I missed you so much," Lee whispered again, and Jer kissed his cheek and answered, "I won't stay gone so long, next time. Promise, okay?"
"Don't be gone." Lee cleared his throat, tried to sound stronger. "Don't go. Stay."
"For how long?" Jer asked again, and Lee said, "Forever."
Jer laughed. Lee didn't.
"You could," he pleaded. "Andrei likes you-- and he knows how I feel about you. And this house is so big. You could get a job, you could see Mr. Larssen and Bran and Yves all the time-- they visit-- and so do we--"
"Shhh," said Jer, stroking Lee's hair.
"Jer," said Lee, "I love you."
Jer smoothed his hair back again, and looked at him as if he'd never hoped to see anything half as beautiful, and didn't answer.
"You don't believe me," said Lee.
"You're nineteen," Jer answered. "I don't take anybody's 'I love you' seriously until they're out of their teens."
Lee considered that.
"You could just stay until I'm twenty," he offered. "To see."
Jer gave a painful-sounding bark of laughter, and then kept laughing and couldn't stop. Lee held onto him, feeling him shake.
When he stopped, he was quiet for awhile, and then he said, "I can't, Lee."
"Pleeeeeeeaaaaaaase," Lee whined, barely managing to exaggerate his yearning, and Jer hugged him and roughly kissed his head.
"I can't," he said again. "I just-- Lee, I was sold into slavery when I was fifteen, and freed when I was forty-six. That's thirty-one years-- that's longer than your Andrei's been alive--"
"Andrei is thirty-three," said Lee.
Jer paused. "Really?"
Lee nodded.
"Huh," said Jer. "I guess clean living pays off. Anyway-- Lee, try to understand. For so long, I just-- sat still. Belonging to other people. Trying not to even-- think, or imagine, or wonder, or want-- anything else. Anything-- outside."
"But you want me," said Lee. "I'm here."
"Yeah," said Jer, and kissed Lee's forehead. "I want you. And I love you, Lee-- and I am old enough to know what that means. But I know what it doesn't mean, too. It doesn't mean-- it's not enough. I can't-- stay. Not anywhere. Not yet."
Lee put his head down on Jer's shoulder, and said, "Then let me come with you."
"No," said Jer softly. "You'd shrivel up and die, baby. You spent enough time feeling lost. You know where you are before you even open your eyes, now, every morning, and that you're safe. I couldn't take you away from that. Besides, you couldn't leave Andrei behind. Could you?"
"No," Lee admitted miserably. "Jer, please-- how long will you stay, this time?"
Jer hugged him close, and didn't answer for a while, and then he said, "Lee, I don't know. As long as I can, okay? I'll stay until-- until I have to leave. Okay? Can you work with that?"
Lee lay still, pressed up against Jer, in bliss marred only by the awareness of how soon it would end. Jer would leave again, and Lee wouldn’t know where he was, or when he was coming back, or if he was coming back. Though he did know that if he could, Jer would always come back to Lee, even if only for brief, snatched visits, between his long stretches of absence. Jer had to leave-- but Jer loved Lee, now and always.
And maybe Jer was right-- not about Lee being a naïve teenager who didn‘t know his own mind when it came to love, but about Lee needing security and stability, the gentle, silken hush and sweetness of Andrei‘s house, Andrei‘s love for Lee, and Lee‘s love for Andrei. And that a life of homelessness and endless change with Jer would hurt him, in the end, more than the quiet ache of Jer’s absence that underlay his happiness with Andrei.
And maybe Jer would see enough, in his wanderings, and be tired, in time for him to come home to Lee for good.
Maybe. Maybe not.
But now--
"Lee?"
"Yes," said Lee, and took a deep breath, tasting Jer's scent at the back of his throat. "Yes, I can work with that."
