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maculategiraffeOK, I'm totally behind on comments (I got an entirely unprecedented number on that last chapter of Lee; I guess y'all really DO want to marry Yves!) and I'm working on three different stories right now, but as soon as I claimed my chapter prompt over here, I started typing furiously...
This isn't the definitive edition; feel free to make suggestions as to anything else that ought to be covered in this particular chapter!
Chapter 9(or whatever, depending on how many of these we get written!): Where Do We Go From Here? (or What Happens As We Get Older?)
Mirror, Mirror, On The Wall
You're probably aware of that reputation pleasure slaves have for being vain, shallow, and appearance-obsessed. You might even have noticed your slave fishing for compliments, or sneaking peeks in every mirror he passes, and been indulgently amused by it, and vaguely hoped it didn't keep up because it could really get irritating eventually. After all, you're not constantly seeking validation on your appearance, even though you might be having all the tell-tale signs of aging: the tiny wrinkles around your eyes, the stiffness in the morning when you first wake up, the grumpiness when you don't get your full eight hours of sleep, the ever-increasing worry that you'll be turned out in the street or sold to a seedy brothel.
What? You don't have that last one?
Funny-- your slave does.
Time for a quick refresher: Remember how your slave is utterly dependent on you for all his needs? And remember how you're a good master and carefully monitor and fulfill all of those needs? You feed him, clothe him, make sure he gets his rest, make sure he doesn't pull a muscle trying to please you better, make sure he gets regular checkups; you also listen when he talks, make yourself available when he has concerns or fears, reward his good behavior and reassure him after punishment, and sometimes just pull him into your lap and kiss him and tell him he's your beautiful good boy and pet him on his favorite body part until he melts into a puddle. Regularly. Right?
Okay, whatever has that vaguely guilty look on your face, go do it, and then come back to the book.
Yes, being a slave owner is such hard work. You poor thing.
Good: you take care of all those things. In return, your slave fulfills his responsibilities. What those responsibilities are will be different with every slave owner, but you're a good master, so you've established them clearly, and the two of you communicate well. But there are also-- there are always, no matter how well you communicate-- assumptions. Your slave has always pretty much assumed, for example, that it would be a bad move to burn down the house, or to seduce your grandmother (at least without explicit instructions), or to stick out his foot and trip you as you walk by and then laugh hysterically as you attempt to stanch the bleeding from your nose. Some things, as far as your slave is concerned, go without saying.
You know that; you've spent a while detecting and correcting some of his assumptions about how things work, but trust me, you haven't gotten to them all. And that's a good thing. You wouldn't want to have to spend your life instructing your slave that he's allowed to breathe in and out regularly at a rate of between twelve and twenty breaths per minute (to be renegotiated during heavy petting), but not allowed to respond to a reprimand with a singsong "I know you are, but what I am I?"
So some assumptions can be allowed to stand. Others can't. One that can't is your slave's assumption that getting older is inherently endangering his position with you. And I can almost assure you that is what he is assuming.
"Nonsense!" I hear you say. "My slave knows I'll take care of him, no matter what. I always have, haven't I?"
Sure you always have. And your slave has always been young and pretty, too.
Slaves Don't Have Retirement Funds
I know, you think it's insulting to both of you that you should have to actually say straight out, "Sweetie, don't worry-- I won't ever put you out to starve, or bundle you off to a place where you'll be raped routinely until you wear out and then put to death, no matter how wrinkly you get." After all, your slave knows you, doesn't he? You're good to him, aren't you? How could he possibly think such things of you? Doesn't he trust you?
Yes, he does. When you tell your slave what providence you've made for his old age (and bear in mind, you determine what constitutes his old age), he will believe you. He trusts your word, because your word has been good so far. But you haven't told him yet. You haven't given him anything to believe.
But that's not what you meant, right? You meant that your slave should trust you to be a good person-- not the kind of person who would throw him away because of his age.
Are you ready for the depressing truth? Your slave probably doesn't think you'd be wrong to do that. Again, this is one of his assumptions: as far as he's concerned, he's the one falling down on the job by getting older and uglier. It's certainly possible you've got yourself a slave with really great self-esteem that way, who's managed to avoid falling for all the messages he's been surrounded by his entire life about how his worth depends on his sexual desirability, but it's not what you'd call a safe bet-- and even if he doesn't believe he's worthless without his youthful good looks, it's not as if he's the one who gets to decide, is it?
This is what you have to understand: your slave's worries about aging have nothing to do with vanity, or even aesthetics. They have to do with job security. When you worry about getting less attractive as you age, you're being shallow and vain; after all, you're only as old as you feel, right? But when your slave realizes his skin is losing elasticity and he's having more trouble maintaining his muscle tone and there's a gray hair in there amid the gold, he feels a lot like a concert violinist who realizes he's slowly losing all feeling in his fingers, or a painter who finds himself going blind-- but in a world where violinists and painters serve at the pleasure of their masters, new and talented ones are a dime a dozen, and old worn-out ones are lined up against the wall and shot.
As far as your slave is concerned, part of his job description is to be the lithe, smooth-skinned, sexy young thing you bought. After all, that was certainly a factor in why you bought him, right? The fact that he can't help aging has nothing to do with the sense of desperate failure he feels over slowly turning from something you found adorable and sexy to something you'll surely find disgusting.
Whether you will, in fact, find any slave over forty (or thirty, or twenty, or whatever your personal cutoff happens to be) to be disgustingly unattractive is your own affair. You may find gray hair incredibly sexy and distinguished-looking, or you may not want anything in your bed that can remember more than three presidential administrations. Your predilections are not the subject of this book, but your responsibilities towards your slave are-- and having bought him, one of those responsibilities is to take care of him to the absolute best of your ability. Whether that means you'll sell him to a trusted friend who has fewer hangups about age than you do, find him other work to do when you feel the need to get a newer model for your sexual needs, or continue the current relationship until one of you dies of old age and/or excessive sexual gratification-- you must plan for this, and you must tell your slave about your plan.
Might It Please My Master To Eat An Apple A Day?
Speaking of one of you dying, you may have noticed another annoying little habit your slave has, in addition to that frivolous preoccupation with his own physical appearance: he tends to fuss a lot over your health. He eyes anything unhealthy or artery-blocking on your plate with as disapproving a look as he thinks he can get away with, gets rather tactlessly agitated when you're out of breath in bed, and when you mention that your hobby is skydiving and you like to wait until the last possible second to pull the ripcord, he may actually require smelling salts to revive him.
All very touching, isn't it, how much he cares about you, and how deeply he's concerned for your welfare? Well, yes. And you're deeply concerned for his welfare too, of course. But here's the thing: if your slave dies, you will feel very, very sad. If his master dies, he will feel very, very sad, in addition to which his life and happiness will be utterly at the mercy of your heirs. And no matter how well he generally gets along with your spouse and children, I'd be willing to bet there have been quarrels between them at some point that will suddenly feel a LOT more serious and terrifying when you're no longer there to mediate. If you don't have a spouse or children, of course, your slave may not even know who your heirs are; for all he knows, you've never bothered to make a will, and your nearest living blood relative enjoys baking slaves into delicious meat pies. Is it any wonder he begs you to take up macramé?
Nobody likes making a will, especially in the prime of life, but this is not negotiable for a responsible slave owner. You must make sure your slave is provided for in the event of your death.
Do's And Don'ts For Your Will
DON'T put this off. Even if you're twenty-five and in peak physical condition, you should have a current will at all times. If your spouse was your sole heir, and he or she dies, update your own will immediately following the funeral.
On that note, DO include a predecease clause, just in case. That's a clause that says that you leave everything to your daughter Winifred, unless she predeceases you, in which case you leave everything to your second cousin Billie Jean. Including that clause will ensure that if you and your spouse die together in a tragic but romantic boat explosion, your slave does not go by default to your technically closest (and potentially cannibalistic) relative.
DO show your slave your will, and give him permission to speak freely on the subject. It's more his business than anyone's. Make sure your slave knows who will inherit him in the event of your death, and feels okay about the possibility, however remote.
DO talk to whoever you plan to have inherit your slave. Make sure the heir is aware of your slave's needs, expectations, and fears, and-- most importantly-- is okay with owning a slave. This may sound like a no-brainer, but trust us, it has not proved to be. In fact, we would suggest you give your heir a copy of this book, and stand over her while she reads it!
DON'T free your slave in your will, unless you're also planning to leave him a considerable and well-planned amount of guaranteed income AND a place to live. A freed slave with no capital, no home, no job, no formal education or specialized job skills, and no well-placed advocate in society will be turning tricks for syphilitic sailors on the docks faster than you can say "economic inflation." If you do decide to free your slave in your will and make him or her your sole heir, make absolutely certain you trust your will's executor to act as an advocate for your newly freed slave in any difficult or unknown situation that might arise.
DON'T make assumptions about what your slave, your heir, or your executor understands. Talk it through. Make absolutely sure.
This isn't the definitive edition; feel free to make suggestions as to anything else that ought to be covered in this particular chapter!
Chapter 9
Mirror, Mirror, On The Wall
You're probably aware of that reputation pleasure slaves have for being vain, shallow, and appearance-obsessed. You might even have noticed your slave fishing for compliments, or sneaking peeks in every mirror he passes, and been indulgently amused by it, and vaguely hoped it didn't keep up because it could really get irritating eventually. After all, you're not constantly seeking validation on your appearance, even though you might be having all the tell-tale signs of aging: the tiny wrinkles around your eyes, the stiffness in the morning when you first wake up, the grumpiness when you don't get your full eight hours of sleep, the ever-increasing worry that you'll be turned out in the street or sold to a seedy brothel.
What? You don't have that last one?
Funny-- your slave does.
Time for a quick refresher: Remember how your slave is utterly dependent on you for all his needs? And remember how you're a good master and carefully monitor and fulfill all of those needs? You feed him, clothe him, make sure he gets his rest, make sure he doesn't pull a muscle trying to please you better, make sure he gets regular checkups; you also listen when he talks, make yourself available when he has concerns or fears, reward his good behavior and reassure him after punishment, and sometimes just pull him into your lap and kiss him and tell him he's your beautiful good boy and pet him on his favorite body part until he melts into a puddle. Regularly. Right?
Okay, whatever has that vaguely guilty look on your face, go do it, and then come back to the book.
Yes, being a slave owner is such hard work. You poor thing.
Good: you take care of all those things. In return, your slave fulfills his responsibilities. What those responsibilities are will be different with every slave owner, but you're a good master, so you've established them clearly, and the two of you communicate well. But there are also-- there are always, no matter how well you communicate-- assumptions. Your slave has always pretty much assumed, for example, that it would be a bad move to burn down the house, or to seduce your grandmother (at least without explicit instructions), or to stick out his foot and trip you as you walk by and then laugh hysterically as you attempt to stanch the bleeding from your nose. Some things, as far as your slave is concerned, go without saying.
You know that; you've spent a while detecting and correcting some of his assumptions about how things work, but trust me, you haven't gotten to them all. And that's a good thing. You wouldn't want to have to spend your life instructing your slave that he's allowed to breathe in and out regularly at a rate of between twelve and twenty breaths per minute (to be renegotiated during heavy petting), but not allowed to respond to a reprimand with a singsong "I know you are, but what I am I?"
So some assumptions can be allowed to stand. Others can't. One that can't is your slave's assumption that getting older is inherently endangering his position with you. And I can almost assure you that is what he is assuming.
"Nonsense!" I hear you say. "My slave knows I'll take care of him, no matter what. I always have, haven't I?"
Sure you always have. And your slave has always been young and pretty, too.
Slaves Don't Have Retirement Funds
I know, you think it's insulting to both of you that you should have to actually say straight out, "Sweetie, don't worry-- I won't ever put you out to starve, or bundle you off to a place where you'll be raped routinely until you wear out and then put to death, no matter how wrinkly you get." After all, your slave knows you, doesn't he? You're good to him, aren't you? How could he possibly think such things of you? Doesn't he trust you?
Yes, he does. When you tell your slave what providence you've made for his old age (and bear in mind, you determine what constitutes his old age), he will believe you. He trusts your word, because your word has been good so far. But you haven't told him yet. You haven't given him anything to believe.
But that's not what you meant, right? You meant that your slave should trust you to be a good person-- not the kind of person who would throw him away because of his age.
Are you ready for the depressing truth? Your slave probably doesn't think you'd be wrong to do that. Again, this is one of his assumptions: as far as he's concerned, he's the one falling down on the job by getting older and uglier. It's certainly possible you've got yourself a slave with really great self-esteem that way, who's managed to avoid falling for all the messages he's been surrounded by his entire life about how his worth depends on his sexual desirability, but it's not what you'd call a safe bet-- and even if he doesn't believe he's worthless without his youthful good looks, it's not as if he's the one who gets to decide, is it?
This is what you have to understand: your slave's worries about aging have nothing to do with vanity, or even aesthetics. They have to do with job security. When you worry about getting less attractive as you age, you're being shallow and vain; after all, you're only as old as you feel, right? But when your slave realizes his skin is losing elasticity and he's having more trouble maintaining his muscle tone and there's a gray hair in there amid the gold, he feels a lot like a concert violinist who realizes he's slowly losing all feeling in his fingers, or a painter who finds himself going blind-- but in a world where violinists and painters serve at the pleasure of their masters, new and talented ones are a dime a dozen, and old worn-out ones are lined up against the wall and shot.
As far as your slave is concerned, part of his job description is to be the lithe, smooth-skinned, sexy young thing you bought. After all, that was certainly a factor in why you bought him, right? The fact that he can't help aging has nothing to do with the sense of desperate failure he feels over slowly turning from something you found adorable and sexy to something you'll surely find disgusting.
Whether you will, in fact, find any slave over forty (or thirty, or twenty, or whatever your personal cutoff happens to be) to be disgustingly unattractive is your own affair. You may find gray hair incredibly sexy and distinguished-looking, or you may not want anything in your bed that can remember more than three presidential administrations. Your predilections are not the subject of this book, but your responsibilities towards your slave are-- and having bought him, one of those responsibilities is to take care of him to the absolute best of your ability. Whether that means you'll sell him to a trusted friend who has fewer hangups about age than you do, find him other work to do when you feel the need to get a newer model for your sexual needs, or continue the current relationship until one of you dies of old age and/or excessive sexual gratification-- you must plan for this, and you must tell your slave about your plan.
Might It Please My Master To Eat An Apple A Day?
Speaking of one of you dying, you may have noticed another annoying little habit your slave has, in addition to that frivolous preoccupation with his own physical appearance: he tends to fuss a lot over your health. He eyes anything unhealthy or artery-blocking on your plate with as disapproving a look as he thinks he can get away with, gets rather tactlessly agitated when you're out of breath in bed, and when you mention that your hobby is skydiving and you like to wait until the last possible second to pull the ripcord, he may actually require smelling salts to revive him.
All very touching, isn't it, how much he cares about you, and how deeply he's concerned for your welfare? Well, yes. And you're deeply concerned for his welfare too, of course. But here's the thing: if your slave dies, you will feel very, very sad. If his master dies, he will feel very, very sad, in addition to which his life and happiness will be utterly at the mercy of your heirs. And no matter how well he generally gets along with your spouse and children, I'd be willing to bet there have been quarrels between them at some point that will suddenly feel a LOT more serious and terrifying when you're no longer there to mediate. If you don't have a spouse or children, of course, your slave may not even know who your heirs are; for all he knows, you've never bothered to make a will, and your nearest living blood relative enjoys baking slaves into delicious meat pies. Is it any wonder he begs you to take up macramé?
Nobody likes making a will, especially in the prime of life, but this is not negotiable for a responsible slave owner. You must make sure your slave is provided for in the event of your death.
Do's And Don'ts For Your Will
DON'T put this off. Even if you're twenty-five and in peak physical condition, you should have a current will at all times. If your spouse was your sole heir, and he or she dies, update your own will immediately following the funeral.
On that note, DO include a predecease clause, just in case. That's a clause that says that you leave everything to your daughter Winifred, unless she predeceases you, in which case you leave everything to your second cousin Billie Jean. Including that clause will ensure that if you and your spouse die together in a tragic but romantic boat explosion, your slave does not go by default to your technically closest (and potentially cannibalistic) relative.
DO show your slave your will, and give him permission to speak freely on the subject. It's more his business than anyone's. Make sure your slave knows who will inherit him in the event of your death, and feels okay about the possibility, however remote.
DO talk to whoever you plan to have inherit your slave. Make sure the heir is aware of your slave's needs, expectations, and fears, and-- most importantly-- is okay with owning a slave. This may sound like a no-brainer, but trust us, it has not proved to be. In fact, we would suggest you give your heir a copy of this book, and stand over her while she reads it!
DON'T free your slave in your will, unless you're also planning to leave him a considerable and well-planned amount of guaranteed income AND a place to live. A freed slave with no capital, no home, no job, no formal education or specialized job skills, and no well-placed advocate in society will be turning tricks for syphilitic sailors on the docks faster than you can say "economic inflation." If you do decide to free your slave in your will and make him or her your sole heir, make absolutely certain you trust your will's executor to act as an advocate for your newly freed slave in any difficult or unknown situation that might arise.
DON'T make assumptions about what your slave, your heir, or your executor understands. Talk it through. Make absolutely sure.
