I want to be a tattooed lady, dedicated as I am to art

[maculategiraffe]

I was just reflecting on why Lee is running so much longer than fifteen chapters (and believe me, there's a lot more slated to happen before the end) and I think I get it. Thing is, when I go back and reread the first story, I'm amazed (and a little disturbed) by just how much I didn't write. How much I skipped. I guess that should have been obvious from the number of one-offs and such that I've written since, to fill in the blanks, but there are so many scenes that I just... didn't write. I think that had a lot to do with the fact that it was the first time I'd ever posted a story of mine for anyone else to read, and I was very insecure. I'd written reams and reams (megabytes, I guess we should say nowadays) just for my own personal satisfaction, and I think I had this idea that the process of making things good enough for public consumption involved an absolutely brutal editing process: cut, cut, cut. Keep moving. Don't show in a thousand words what a line of dialogue can exposit in ten. Don't linger, don't dawdle, don't spend more time than you have to.

Which reminds me, in a way, of a B.C. cartoon I saw once where the guy was explaining the rules of golf to the girl, basically that you win with the lowest score, and she said, "You want to hit the ball as few times as possible? Then why do it at all?"

("Women don't understand sports" is of course nearly as reliable a comic-strip joke as "Kids say the darndest things" and "Teenagers wear baggy, low-slung pants." Nevertheless.)

Of course there are good reasons to play a game where the goal is to exhibit the greatest possible economy of motion-- to make each stroke good enough that you need very few to accomplish your goal-- and the same is true of economy in writing. However, it's also true that to some extent, if you're not going to "spend more time than you have to" on a story-- well, why do it at all? I'm not getting paid for these stories and I strongly doubt I'm ever going to win a Pulitzer for them either-- so why not linger? Why not dig out my notebook and post that dialogue between Yves and Holden? Why not write that scene? And this scene? And this?

So "Lee" is shaping up to be about as long as "Bran" would have been if I'd written it the way I'm writing "Lee," I think. Which is leading me to think I really ought to undertake (at some point; not any point soon, I don't think, and certainly not until after I finish "Lee") a rewrite of "Bran." There are a few things I'd like to mess with; if I were writing it now, for instance, I would have developed the Pavel plot more instead of cramming it into the epilogue; I would have lingered more on Bran's training; I certainly would have written things like the sex scene with Yves, and the homecoming scene with Holden, without reader prodding!

(I still consider myself new at this whole writing thing, and it may well be that "Lee" will err on the side of being too long and trying to incorporate too much-- which I will then, perhaps, when I'm good enough, remedy with another rewrite. But I'm cool with the process; I like where I am right now. I just hope I'm not boring the pants off anyone while I get better. Since you were all nice enough to hang in there with me while I zipped through "Bran" like a squirrel on speed.)

Which brings me to the other thing I wanted to say here, while I'm meandering about process and such. I was really and truly terrified to post that first chapter of Bran online, because I've been reading fic online for a long time and I know how mean the internets can be. But I just get more and more amazed all the time at how nice all the readers of my writing have been. I have not gotten flamed one time (and I'd say it was flattering myself to think my stuff was well-known or provocative enough to attract flames, but I have seen flames on stories written by 12-year-olds in the HTML equivalent of scented markers; some people just don't have anything better to do). I could probably count the negative comments (all extremely polite and well-founded) I've gotten on one hand; but I've gotten absolutely gorgeous amounts of feedback, warm and cool*, that I really feel has shaped my writing as much as my own twisted little brain has. I can't imagine that I've never written anything that's annoyed or put off anyone, but people either formulate an intelligently negative response (see above) or politely refrain from comment. So I don't know if slavefic aficionados are just the nicest, coolest, most interesting and intelligent and laid-back and creative people ever, but seriously, guys, group hug?

*group hugs the lot of ya*

(Now watch me get my first flame in the next hour. But that will be okay because you guys have made me all confident and wicked flame-retardant!)





*I'm not sure if it's just the type of school where I teach, or if this is an educational or psychological trend in general, but we're supposed to give each other "warm" and "cool" feedback on assignments and stuff, to avoid hurt feelings and negativity. Warm feedback is like "I loved how you did this here!" and cool feedback is like "I wonder what would happen if, in addition to the totally great stuff you did because you are teh best algebra teacher evar, you were to do this teensy other thing as well? Would the assignment then just explode from awesome? I don't know, but if you ever had time it might be fun to find out!"