maculategiraffe

Selected excerpts from the transcripts of tape-recorded interviews with four slaves and one trainee slave. Owner was not present at any interview except that of the trainee slave, but gave full consent to the interviews and the taping. Transcribed by Denys Harper.

DH: And are you happy in your life now?
S1: Very.
DH: Is there anything in your life you wish were different?
S1: My daughter's taste in women.
DH: (Laughs) Okay, well, apart from that.
S1: No.
DH: Would you want to be free? If you could?
S1: I doubt it would make too much of a difference to my life. But I'm not exactly a typical case, because of Valor. Not many slaves have families. Or if they do, their family sold them. Tends to create hard feelings.
DH: I would think so, yes. So you would go live with your daughter?
S1: Oh, gods, no. (Laughs) No, I'd stay here. I'm just saying-- I have a child with my master. My owners and I raised her together. When she comes home to her parents-- They're my family. Not many slaves have-- bonds-- like that.
DH: Because of the, uh, the sterilization.
S1: Right. It makes it easier in a lot of ways, of course.
DH: Children not being born to--
S1: Things.
DH: Things?
S1: That's what slaves are, legally. Things. Property. Makes it awkward to have things producing actual human children. Doesn't it.
DH: I guess it does.
S1: Especially the master's children, if that happened. Having a child that's half you and half-- object. Might make you think of your property a little differently.
DH: You think having Valor made your owners look at you differently?
S1: Of course. How could it not? I'm the mother of their child.
DH: Their child? You mean his child.
S1: Our child.
DH: And you never felt your mistress resented that you bore her husband's child?
S1: No. My mistress already knew I was real.

DH: And are you happy now, in your life?
S2: Sure.
DH: You don't sound sure.
S2: I'm sure.
DH: Is there anything in your life you'd change if you could? (Pause) Like-- would you-- if you could, would you want to be free? (Pause) If you could ask your master to let you go and you knew he'd say yes, would you?
S2: (Laughs)
DH: What?
S2: What if you could ask someone to shoot you in the head and you knew he'd say yes?
DH: I don't--
S2: So, maybe. Maybe I would. On a bad day.
DH: A bad day?
S2: Yeah, Mr. Harper. A bad day. You ever have a bad day?
DH: I-- probably not. I mean. Not compared to--
S2: To me. Yeah. I look like I've had a lot of bad days? I have. (Pause) But he wouldn't. So.
DH: Well, um, okay. So you-- so what would you do, if you were free?
S2: If Holden ever frees me, he'll have his reasons. And I'll do anything he asks, free or not. So you better ask him what I'd do.
DH: Well, but-- suppose it weren't his idea. What if slavery were abolished?
S2: The crime rate would skyrocket? That's what my old master always said. All those poverty-stricken teens roving the streets in gangs, raping and plundering. Instead of the other way around.
DH: I meant-- I meant for you. How would-- what would you do?
S2: (Pause) Always thought I'd like to know what getting drunk felt like. Maybe he'd let me. Just to mark the occasion.
DH: But if you were free you wouldn't have to ask him.
S2: I'd have to ask him for the liquor. Don't accumulate a lot of spending cash as a slave. And it's his house. Think I've got anywhere else to go?
DH: I-- if that ever happened, hopefully there'd be programs in place, to help fund--
S2: Elderly slaves on their first drunk?
DH: (Laughs) Not as such. Should there be?
S2: Not unless you want a lot of bodies in the streets. (Pause) Of course, that might make it easier. Start fresh. No relics of the bad old days wandering around trying to figure out what the hell to do with themselves. (Pause) I'm sorry. You were saying.
DH: Yeah, uh... so if you were free, you'd like to get drunk.
S2: You don't have to publish that part. I think Yves wants to be a college professor, if that helps.

DH. And are you happy now, with your life?
S3: Well, that came out of left field. (Laughs)
DH: (Laughs) Did it? I just meant--
S3: No, no, I know what you meant. It's just-- it's a bit of a complex question, isn't it?
DH: You mean for a slave?
S3: For anyone. Though it might take free citizens longer to realize it's not as simple as they thought. Maybe slaves get it a few decades earlier. That there's no point-- crying for the moon.
DH: Well, but what is the moon? I mean, what would you want, if you could have anything?
S3: I'm luckier than most, Mr. Harper. My master and I love each other, and I found him-- or I guess he found me-- when I was only nineteen. How idyllic is that? Sure, I'm happy. I might be the happiest person I know.
DH: Happier than your-- than Mr. Larssen?
S3: (Laughs) I don't have his bad habits.
DH: What are his bad habits?
S3: Oh... falling in love. Creating worlds to take on his shoulders. Yes, I'm probably happier than he is. Does that answer your question, Mr. Harper? Are you happy?
DH: Fair enough. Um. Would you like to be free?
S3: We've talked about it-- my master and I. We agree it's not practical right now.
DH: But you-- well, what would you do if you were free?
S3: Start negotiations for a salary.
DH: Salary--?
S3: For my services. (pause) You're blushing, Mr. Harper.
DH: I--
S3: You think I mean sex. I don't. I keep the accounts for the business. I help with the trainees, with their transitions, with their training. I advise my owners on business decisions. I do a lot to keep this house running smoothly. I'd like to keep doing all that, but if I were free I'd want to be paid.
DH: Why?
S3: So I could start saving. I hope eventually I'd have enough to buy a share of the business. As it is, I couldn't do that even if I had money, and my master gives me everything I need, so. If I were free, yes. A lot of things would change. (Pause) Not everything. As I said. I'm luckier than most.

DH: And are you happy now? In your life?
S4: Yes.
DH: Is there anything in your life you wish were different?
S4: (pause) Well, I wish my parents hadn't died.
DH: I mean now. If things could change now. Given-- the past.
S4: (pause) No. Nothing.
DH: You wouldn't want to be free?
S4: (pause) It wouldn't matter. My master would still-- keep me.
DH: Keep you? Against your will? But--
S4: (Laughs) No, no, not against my will. I mean-- keep me. Like-- upkeep. Food, clothing, shelter?
DH: Oh, keep you.
S4: Take care of me.
DH: Okay. So you'd just-- would you just-- go on like before? Living with your-- with Mr. Larssen?
S4: Sure. Maybe he'd hire me to help with the business. Pay me in-- (Laughs) Room and board.
DH: So your life wouldn't change much? But wouldn't you rather be choosing it freely? Than have it forced on you?
S4: (Laughs)
DH: What?
S4: I'm sorry, I-- it's just, I don't feel forced. To stay here.
DH: But you are. Legally. If you ran away--
S4: (Laughs)
DH: Okay, there's a story here, isn't there?
S4: Kind of.
DH: Tape's rolling.
S4: You want the story?
DH: I always want the story.

DH: And are you glad Mr. Larssen bought you? (Pause) Say it out loud, for the tape.
TS: Yes, sir.
DH: And why are you glad?
TS: He doesn't--
DH: Doesn't what?
TS: He's been very kind to me.
DH: He treats you better than Lord Dunaev did? (Pause; laughs) Good, okay, but say it out loud, for the--
TS: Yes, sir.
DH: What did Lord Dunaev do to you that Mr. Larssen doesn't do?
TS: (inaudible)
DH: A little louder, please. (pause)
HL: What do you think? You saw his back.
DH: That was from Lord Dunaev whipping you?
TS: Yes, sir.
DH: What made him whip you so hard, so hard that you're going to have scars? What did you do to make him so angry? (Pause) Lee?
HL: It's okay, Lee. You can speak freely. That's right. Good boy.
TS: (inaudible)
DH: I'm sorry, I know this is hard to talk about, but if you could-- just a little louder and clearer.
TS: I never knew.
DH: You never knew what?
TS: What made him so angry. I mean-- I wasn't always-- good-- but when he punished me, I didn't, I didn't fight, I didn't, I just-- I didn't fight--
HL: Good boy. You're doing fine.
TS: I'm not even brave. I wasn't-- I didn't even try to get back up. When he had me on the ground. And I tried-- crying and-- not crying and-- (inaudible)
DH: And what?
TS: He just. Got angrier. I--
(long silence)
TS: I just wanted him to stop. I would have done anything. If I'd just known. I didn't know what to do. Please-- master-- I--
HL: Turn that thing off.
DH: But--
HL: I said turn it off.