maculategiraffe | Maiden interlude: Sean writes to his mother

So as part of my trying to figure out (which I have been, lately, I've just been sort of slinking around ashamed to show my face) how I'm going to post what I've got written-- especially with The Maiden, which I'm trying to wrap up in 28 chapters, not counting Report Card Day or this, because I cheat and use "interludes" and whatnot) I wrote this, which I'm hoping can function as a sort of stepping stone in the gap in time between what I last posted and the next chapter. It's a letter from Sean to his mom, kind of updating her (and us, by extension) on what's been going on. It's also story-relevant and all, I mean even if you remember everything, but I'm hoping it will serve a memory-jogging purpose as well, so nobody has to go reread a bunch of previous chapters unless they feel like it.

So here, I'll go ahead and get this up.

(As the actress said to the bishop.)

Honored mother,

As I write this to you, I am no longer a maiden! The Magistra, my honored protectrix, was kind enough to praise me after the ritual and say I did well. I hope you are very happy to hear this, as I am to write it, and now that I have given you good news of my sucess I want to tell you something. I didn't want to tell you, because I don't want you to know how disobedient and ungrateful I behaved, but I want to tell you now so you understand how kind and good and generous my protectrix is and how grateful I truly am for her kindness. Before this ritual for my maidenhead, which has been sucessful, she already tried the ritual and put me in the circle and I was so frightened that I resisted her and ruined the ritual. I am so ashamed of this, and I know how disapointed and angry you will be to hear it, and I know I should have been severely punished and sent back to the men's center and never had another protectrix after I was so rebellious and ungrateful to resist the Magistra herself when she tried to honor me. But the Magistra is so merciful that she forgave me and offered me a second chance. I beg my kind mother will forgive me too and believe me when I say the fear I felt then at the thought of being sent back to the center has taught me to never again resist anything my protectrix is pleased to do to me.

I kept that lesson in mind during the ritual today, and as a result I am fine and blessed with my protectrix' praise. Now I can start trying to father a child for her and please her in that way as well. I hope so much to father the Magistra's daughter and make you proud of me as well as pleasing my protectrix. Or if I give her a son, I hope she will love him or at least protect him, and let me play with him and talk to him and look after him the way you let Len do for me. Of course I will keep trying to give her a girl as long as she is pleased to allow me to do so, but I hope if she ever decides I am only good to father boys, she keeps me under her kind protection and lets me see my son or my sons, and I hope they find kind protection too. I hope the Magistra might love a son too, even though she only needs a daughter. I remember learning in world history that it used to be that men only wanted sons, and they were proud of sons and never cared about daughters except to sell them to other men, but I guess maybe even then there were men who loved their daughters, just like there are women like you who love their sons, even when their sons are a disapointment to them.

But I hope not to be a disapointment any more, as I am so lucky now. My protectrix is so kind and generous to me, even letting me write to you and visit you, even before I have had the honor of giving her any children. I think she is pleased with me and she is very kind to me and I hope very much to keep pleasing her. I know it is the most important thing, to please my protectrix and make sure she is happy and satisfied with my behavier as a good man. You always told me how important it was to be pleasing to women and make sure they were always happy with me, but I was stupid and I didn't listen. Mother, I am so sorry for that. You tried so hard to make sure I was protected, and I let you down. I understand now what you were trying to protect me from, but back then I was so stupid, I couldn't understand how I was only safe and happy because you took such good care of me. I didn't know what it was like for an unprotected man. I know now, and I will do anything to please my protectrix so she is happy with me and doesn't send me back to a center. And if she lets me I will try to teach my son to honor and obey her and all women, if I have a son.

If I do have a son, I hope he is smarter than I was, so he never goes to a center. Do you think the Magistra might try not to let him go to a center, even if he is as stuborn and stupid as I was, the way you tried not to let me go to one? She has been kind enough to say she would never send me back to the center where I was for two years. It was a bad place. The Magistra says the things that happened to me there should not have happened, and she is going to see that some changes are made. I still hope never to be sent back there. When I was there, I realized the teachers at school were right about what men are like. I was never in a place with only men before, so I didn't realize what men are like without the kind guidence and correction of women. There were no women at the center, except the directrix and we never saw her, and the guards told us that if

I had to stop writing there because the Magistra came in. She praised me again and said I did well in the ritual and she said I could see you soon and she would tell you I did well. And she gave me news about the center. She said her sister Emily has hired women to look after the men and monitor their behavier. She also said Kyle, who was her stud before me but didn't father a child for her, is going there, but not as one of the unprotected men, although the Magistra is withdrawing her protection from him. She said her sister will protect him, and give him a job as one of the guards. I hope I can father a child for her so that I don't lose her protection. She gave Kyle 2 years to try, so if I can please her as well as he did I have plenty of time to do my best. And then she was generous enough to allow Kyle to speak in the matter of who was going to protect him now, so she might allow me to do the same thing, if any woman could be found who was willing to take me into her house and under her protection.

But truthfully she didn't withdraw her protection from Kyle until he spoke to her in an insulting and defient way, and I will never defy her or knowingly give her cause for anger. I know you are probably doubtful of this because I know I gave you cause for anger and disapointment when I was under your protection, but I have been punished much harsher for that than you my kind mother would ever have punished me even for the worst of faults, and I beg you will believe me when I say I have finally learned my lesson.

Well, this is a very long letter and I will end it now so the Magistra can kindly send it for me so you know how happy I am.

I honor you and love you, mother. Hoping very much to hear from you soon,

Your humble son
Sean.

[below, in a different hand]

Julia--

After reading over this letter (Sean is free to keep his correspondence with you private, but he asked that I read this letter before sending it), I wanted to assure you that the earlier disruption of the ritual, while unfortunate, was partly my own fault. While he did disobey me, it was my responsibility as his protectrix to make him feel safe in obedience, and I did not do so, which was at least as reprehensible on my part as the disobedience on his, so I found no difficulty in forgiving him his fault and have promised to try not to repeat my own. As I said when we met, your son is a fine young man, and I hope you won't reprimand him too harshly for his momentary panic.

I also assure you Sean will not be going back to the center for unprotected men where I found him. If I ever find it necessary to withdraw my protection from him, I'm sure some more suitable and less traumatic solution can be reached.

--Rita

Maiden interlude: Sean writes to his mother

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